Burro Banton, Cutty Ranks, Supercat, Etc, Etc...

I was planning on writing about Wackies today but somewhere along the line I lost the will. So, instead of doing that (and also instead of doing the million and one other things I should be doing), I started watching videos on YouTube. I recently ordered a DVD of the 1986 Stereo Mars People's National Party rally, aka the best gig ever, and so to tide me over while I'm waiting, I decided to watch the video of Cutty Ranks at said rally. The video is on tons of sites, but I'll post it down at the bottom anyway, because it's so, so good.

While watching that video I came across the video posted above, which I have now watched, oh, 80, 90 times. No exaggeration. OK, so you're right, maybe a little exaggeration. I love watching these old videos of Cutty Ranks. When I was just getting into this kind of stuff and was randomly buying tapes from the reggae section, Cutty Ranks From Mi Heart was one of the albums that made me fall in love with music. I still listen to it all the time (although I have upgraded to CD). I haven't liked anything he's been doing lately, unfortunately. I love seeing Supercat like this, too. I know he eventually did a song with Sugar Ray, and while I'm not justifying it, I forgive him. So anyway, I hope you like the videos, too. I'd like to post more of them, but hey, this can only be so long. Maybe next time.

007 (Shanty Town)/The Harder They Come

Wow, what a day. And not in a good way. I was going to take out my aggressions here, but really, I think it's best to just leave you with the great song above. Yes, it is a video, but I think you'll find the visuals leave a little to be desired. I'm going to listen to some more of this music before I watch the address about the economy. I think it's my best option after a long, intensely annoying day that is destined to become even more annoying when I have to listen to Bush pretend he understands macroeconomics.

By the way, that song is on the soundtrack to the f'ing great movie The Harder They Come. If you've not seen it, well, what are you waiting for? I was lucky enough to see a special showing of it in Glasgow that was presented by Jimmy Cliff. He answered questions after the movie. Between his accent and the Glasgow accent, you've never heard so much miscommunication in one room. It was so great, though. Now that I think of it, I saw Lee "Scratch" Perry perform in Glasgow that very same night. What was going on in Glasgow that weekend?!?! Can't remember. Anyway, here's a video for The Harder They Come. You can thank me later:

Scenes from a Record Store #1 - Twista is a Rap Artist

By way of introduction, let me tell you that I used to worked in a small, independent record store. If you ever want to taste the crazy, you get yourself a job in a record store. Not a big, chain record store, but a small local shop where you get lots of regulars hanging out. I know working with the public always offers its fair share of hilarity, but I've worked with the public in other jobs, and trust me, a record store is like the gold medal ceremony of insanity. Needless to say, the job left all of us who worked there with lots of stories. Frankly, I'm not even sure how amusing they are to anyone who wasn't there, but since many of my most enduring friendships started behind that counter, I'm going to tell some of them. Or, well, at least one of them. I know at least five people will appreciate the walk down memory lane. I hope it's not too boring for everyone else.

Some of my favorite record stop stories involve stupidity in shoplifting, and this particular incident always stands out in my memory. So, the scene: it was a Friday or Saturday night - very busy night in the store, thanks to our proximity to a movie theater. Two young men came through the door, and one approached me at the counter while the other moved towards the CDs to start shopping.

The guy who came to the counter told me he wanted to special order a cassette by Twista. We had a procedure for special orders in which we asked the customers to address a postcard to themselves, which we then mailed to them when their order arrived. I got him to address the card to himself while I looked up the catalogue number. When he was done I said, "OK, thanks, should take a week or so to come in." The whole transaction took maybe a minute and half.

Instead of walking away, this guy stood and stared at me for a minute. He glanced around a few times. Then he said, "Ummmmmmmm.....uhhhhhhhhh....Twista is a rap artist."

At this point, two things became clear to me:

1. I had been racially profiled.

2. Something else was going on here.

I informed him, "Yep, I got it, thanks." The store was really busy, and while my co-worker and I both knew something was up, we didn't have much choice but to let it ride for now. (Well, I suppose we had a choice, but we didn't care that much, truth be told.) I saw him and his friend have a semi-heated exchange and then nervously walk out of the store.

When things calmed down, my co-worker and I went in the back of the store to check the security tape. Sure enough, this guy's friend was shoplifting while he was valiantly attempting to keep me busy at the counter. The beauty was the shoplifting technique. There was a camera in each corner of the store. He had turned his back away from one and had made a big deal about concealing what he was doing from that camera. Meanwhile, he was looking the camera in the opposite corner almost dead on as he opened his coat and loaded it up with our entire stock of Biggie Life After Death CDs. He kept glancing back to make sure the other camera wasn't getting him. To give him credit, that one wasn't. The other one, well, he might as well have been performing a scene in a film he was so much in the frame. I wish I had the video and could post it here. It was truly hilarious.

For the most part, our zeal for tracking down shoplifters kicked in on a case by case basis, and these two had endeared themselves to us by their sheer stupidity. Still though, we weren't going to lose our jobs over them. We'd be in trouble for letting them walk away with that much stock - those were double discs! So, we had to call the cops. Here is where the icing on the criminal mastermind cake comes in. We didn't have much to give the cops to go on - except that special order postcard the Mr. "Twista is a rap artist" had addressed to himself....but surely not....

Yep, you guessed it. Real name, real address. The cops went to his apartment, retrieved the CDs and we left it at that. And you know what? I ordered that cassette and mail him his postcard when it came in. He picked it. And paid for it.

Stalag Riddim - A Clarification

Someone asked me what the Stalag riddim was, which I mentioned when I wrote about Winston Riley, so if you don't know it, you can hear it in this song by the late, great Tenor Saw (Ring the Alarm - love this song). I think there are various incarnations of the Stalag riddim, and this one is called Stalag 17 - you'll hear it in loads of reggae music.

By the way, if you want to talk riddims - and really, who doesn't - here's the equally well known Sleng Teng riddim on Ninja Man's Murder Dem. (Or is it Ninjaman? I never know.) There are tons of different versions of this one as well, but I've always loved this particular song.



But if you really want to have fun with riddims, I recommend this website. I hope there is some kind of work I can do that requires me to play around on it, because I'm pretty much unable to do anything else at this point. Trust me, click on one of the riddims - good times await you.

British Things That Are Funnier Than Russell Brand

I miss a lot of things about living in Scotland, but not everything. Unfortunately for me, many of the things I miss the least seem to be following to America. First it was the Beckhams. Then came Cat, Ant and Dec. If Vernon Kay comes here, I'm gone. (On the other hand, Dermot O'Leary, you'd be most welcome, and if you need some place to stay, get in touch.)

So, you can imagine my horror when MTV announced Russell Brand would be hosting the VMAs. I have a passionate, almost irrational dislike of this man. He looks as though he's been the victim of some overzealous costume department, but he hasn't - he's actively chosen this look, which he describes as "S&M Willy Wonka." The Sun twice named him Shagger of the Year, and indeed he is a reformed sex addict (allegedly). Between all of the women who are seemingly lining up to vote for Sarah Palin strictly on the basis of her ability to menstruate and the fact that enough women were willing to have sex with this man to cause him to develop an addiction to it, I'm beginning to think that the sexists have a point. My biggest problem with Russell Brand, though, is that he’s just not very funny, and in terms of British comedy, he really lets the team down. I know some people (allegedly) find him *hilarious* but some of the funniest things I’ve ever come across are things I discovered across while living in Britain, and he’s definitely not one of them. So here, a list of British things that are significantly smarter and wittier than Russell Brand:

1. Brass Eye – Oh Brass Eye – involuntary masturbation in politics (seen here), good AIDS and bad AIDS, “captain, why are you being gay with your sailors?” – Brass Eye offended a lot of people, but it was BRILLIANT - even though sometimes you knew you shouldn't really be laughing. If you like The Daily Show and The Onion, you’ll love Brass Eye, although it’s hard to imagine anyone getting away with some of the things Brass Eye did in Britain on American television (like Nonce Sense). You can find plenty more clips online and there are some DVDs floating around.


2. The Office – Yes, I know there is an American version of The Office, and I’m told it’s good. The Office was such a big thing for awhile in Britain, and I loved watching it so much, that’s hard for me to bring myself to watch the US one. After all, it may be good, but it doesn’t have Ricky Gervais dancing, so really, what’s the point? I can never quite understand why there always has to be a “remake” – why not just show the original, which was truly a masterpiece?

3. Limmy – I love Limmy. His World of Glasgow stuff is fantastic, although it’s probably a bit specific and requires some knowledge of Glasgow. I'm undecided really about how well Limmy in general works for American audiences, but check out his video blog.

4. Private Eye magazine – Somewhere between The Onion and Mad, you can get this in some places in the US. If you’ve never picked it up, check it out. For the political satire lover in all of us.

In Private Eye, they often point out unintentionally hilarious things people say: on the website today, there is a quote from a guy on Wife Swap who said, “you can’t teach an old leopard new spots.” As an aside, this reminds me of the my favorite bit of unfortunate phrasing – several years ago, a music industry newsletter that shall remain nameless contained a brief article about country star Waylon Jennings losing his foot to diabetes. Without a trace of irony, the article went on to say, “he’s taking it all in stride.” Hahahahahha!

OK, well, in the interest of wrapping things up, let’s just say:

5. Little Britain (even if they have allowed Russell Brand to make appearances)
6. League of Gentlemen (walking the line between funny and disturbing)
7. The Mighty Boosh
8. Louis Theroux
9. Extras (HBO did show this one)
10. Irvine Welsh – OK, I know Irvine Welsh doesn’t naturally fall into the category of funny things, and many of the things he writes about are actually quite tragic and depressing (and yes, smutty). But, he has made me laugh out loud many times. Spud is a good example. Remember Spud’s job interview from Trainspotting?:



I’m sure I’ve missed many things, like Father Ted and Fawlty Towers, but to me, these shows/people are things that American audiences would definitely appreciate. They’re the British equivalents of our Daily Shows, Curb Your Enthusiams, and Arrested Developments. So, I’d like to return Russell Brand to sender and get more of this stuff, please. (And what else have I missed? Let me know!)

Winston Riley Productions

I haven't blogged in awhile, and sure, I've been busy, but part of the problem is that I'm losing hours a day to this record. It's fairly old..I think it came out in 2002 or 2003 and I've heard it maybe a million times. I've loved it long time, but my recent rapture with it started when I decided to write a profile of the Techniques label (I don't know why because if the success of my profile of Upsetter Records is any indication, my About.com readers seemingly have little interest in indulging my obsessions). The profile is still unfinished, along with a great deal of other work now, and yet I just keep listening and listening and listening. I'm overcome with the desire to shout about it from the rooftops, and here we are.

So, Winston Riley started out as a singer in the 60s in Jamaica. His group was called Techniques and they made their first record with Coxsone Dodd (I think). Actually, the Jamaican music scene during this time, with Coxsone Dodd, Studio One, Joe Gibb, Amalgamated, Lee "Scratch" Perry, etc is really cool and a really good story, but I won't bore you with it here (unless you like to talk Jamaican record labels, in which case I don't know where you've been all my life, but call me).

Anyway, Riley gave up on the singing and became a producer, probably one of the best (the Stalag riddim is his), and he also started Techniques Records. This comp puts together tracks he produced between 1986 - 1991. Ah, those golden days...the birth of dancehall. Sort of. This comp is a great introduction if you don't know much about it, and even if you do and you know these songs, this record just really hangs well together. What I'm saying is, you should get it now. And when you do, just try telling me these aren't the best tracks:

- A Fi Fly Out - Daddy Lizard
- Boops - Super Cat (a true classic - almost makes you forgive Super Cat for all of those ill conceived collaborations)
- Hol a Fresh - Red Dragon
- Bill a Spliff - Flourgon

Well, never mind, the whole thing is fab. Go on and get it. And then get this, too:

Community Organizers - A Refresher in Party Doctrine Might Be In Order

That picture above is Chad Bullock, a teen from right down the road from me in Durham who has won several national awards for his campaigns to convince kids not to smoke. Sarah Palin apparently thinks he's an asshole.

Despite the whole seeking out a political science Ph.D thing, I really hate the idea of taking to a blog and writing a bunch of stuff about politics. But after witnessing that display of the worst America has to offer at the RNC, I have to say something. Although it's difficult to choose the best worst part of Sarah Palin's speech, I keep coming back to the community organizer remark. You know the one - the one that made fun of Obama for helping people? The one that suggested that community organizers don't have any responsibilities? Yeah, that one.

First, there's the whole thing about insulting people that try to make their communities better places. Yeah, they don't do any real work! But there's not much I can say about that part that hasn't already been said better in this video blog by Jay Smooth on XXL.com. Check it out.

What I CAN say though is that not only was that comment insulting, it doesn't make any fucking sense according to Republican Party doctrine. You see, when it comes to social programs, which we all know Republicans LOVE to cut (even our girl Sarah recently cut funding for programs that help teen moms, because hey, she can afford to pay for her knocked up daughter's shit), the Republican argument says that these programs shouldn't receive federal funding because the administration of them is inefficient. The thought process goes that these federally funded programs should be replaced by COMMUNITY BASED PROGRAMS RUN BY PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY. Check the literature - this goes way back to the 1960s when the Great Society programs were being fought over and you will find it literally in every single piece of conservative writing about social programs. It is intrinsic especially to so called "compassionate conservatism." You want some suggestions of where you can read this stuff, you ask me. But, community organizers are the single most important ingredient in Republican pushes to cut social programs. They depend on people like Barack Obama to step up and take an active role in the community. They just also believe in making fun of anyone foolish enough to do so. Good plan!

Oh yeah, so don't get started on Mike Huckabee either, who stopped just short of whittling and chewing in a piece of straw during his speech.

Usher Clearly Trying to Make Me Throw Up

In a collision of smarmy self importance and light rod-ness that seems to have been crafted specifically to ruin my smoothie, Usher has announced plans for a "ladies only" tour called "One Night Stand." Naturally, the venues will be "intimate" (see what he did there?). Here are some of the other things Usher had to say about the tour:

"There's only a few artists that can pull that off." (perhaps - oh wait, do you mean you?)

"The ladies like to see that masculine build."

Oh you're right there, Usher. We're gagging for it. Or just gagging. You decide. (Hint: we're just gagging.)

More good news! Usher is planning his own line of ladies' lingerie and "men's undergarments." I guess I'll now have to add "owns Usher brand underwear" to my ever growing list of man deal breakers.

Wake me up when there's a Prince Paul ladies only tour. Unlikely, yes, but THAT I'd be ok with. (Could I show my age any more than suggesting Prince Paul as a good replacement for Usher?) Or my former econ professor ladies only tour. I'm going to resist the urge to make a supply and demand joke here. It's early.

Go Stetsa!

Just because.

And don't forget this!

I Gotta Get Out of This Place...

No, not that place. That's Glasgow. It will make more sense later. But, anyway, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm no big fan of where I'm living right now. I spent a great deal of my life counting the days until I could get out of here, and being back here again has passed the point where I can get take a deep breath and get on with it. Yeah, it's just bugging me big style. Of course, I know I won't be here much longer, and that's exciting AND stomach butterfly inducing. The butterfly part comes in because I have to decided exactly where I'm going. Sure, there's the Ph.D thing, and maybe Columbia, NYU, Glasgow, etc, will decide for me. But without a fully funded fellowship, I'm not up for keeping this academic thing going. Plus, other opportunities have been coming my way workwise that might be good - more writing jobs coming in, the Caribbean music thing, etc. So, the bottom line is, I might be facing a similar situation as I was about ten years ago - I could go anywhere. Although it occurs to me roughly 6 times a day to move back to Glasgow immediately (hell, I'm re-reading The Bedroom Secrets of Master Chefs at the moment, and it even makes me crave Edinburgh), I do have other places on the short list. But while I'm pretending to debate the options at will, what I really wonder is if I have the nerve to do what I did so many years ago now, when I packed a bag and moved to Scotland without knowing a soul. It's had me reliving that fateful first day in Scotland, so, here goes. Could I really do this again?

For some reason, I decided not to fly to Glasgow but rather to fly to London and take a train to Scotland. I had been to London once before but hadn't really gone beyond the city (save a day trip to Oxford), so I think I thought a train journey to Scotland would be "cool." The reality is flying to London and taking a train to Scotland is cool only if you enjoy fighting your way across London on public transportation while lugging all of your bags. The other reality of this journey was that rather than being exciting, it was like a long walk to the electric chair. I tried to plan my music for the trip perfectly, (including the Trainspotting soundtrack as we rolled through Edinburgh, how corny am I), but trust me, 5 1/2 hours or so is a long time to sit and think uninterrupted about a major life change.


I remember the train crossing the River Clyde and chugging past the small "Welcome to Glasgow Central Station" sign like it was yesterday. I was listening to The Pastels because it seemed appropriate. I was dizzy when I got off that train. I didn't know anyone in Glasgow and didn't know where I was going to sleep that night. But, my dad knew a woman from work who lived in Glasgow, and she said she'd meet me at the station and drive me around to show me the place a bit. She was three hours late meeting me. She came dashing into the station with purse with a post-it note that said "Heather" on it. In those three hours, I had peaked my head outside the station once, given away about 20 GBP because I didn't know about pound coins, and spent the rest of time sitting in front of the Burger King because it felt familiar.

When she got there, I was forced to abandon my Burger King safety blanket and head to the car with this stranger. I was thinking I would stay at a youth hostel, but she said her mother-in-law's friend had a B&B and that I should stay there. I didn't know what to do - I agreed. She showed me nothing of the city and drove me straight to the B&B, which I know now is in a slightly bad part of town and pretty far away from the city.

When I got to the B&B, I was introduced to the lady who ran the place - she's was probably in her 60s. She welcomed me, sat me down, made me a sandwich, and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. Sure, a movie, why not? "Sorry, I've just got the one film," she said as she popped it in. Natural Born Killers. Really.

One interesting side note. About a week after I arrived in Glasgow, the woman who picked me up from the station was fired and subsequently arrested for embezzling a large amount of money from the company she worked at with my dad. Really.

Well, things got a lot better for me in Glasgow after that, but it was tough at first. The question remains, could I ride it out again?

(Sheesh, this is long, eh? Sorry, it's a bit cathartic! I've also just remembered I've added a twitterfeed to this blog, so this post should effectively scare people away from ever coming here again!)

Oh, Go On Then...

Pretending that my last post didn't prompt a weekend of watching this video over and over again would be futile. On the upside, the time investment wasn't a total waste as I think I have the choreography down pat. If this leads you to dig up Horace Brown, Silk and H-Town videos, well, I can't take responsibility for that. I'm not going to confirm rumors that I watched Snow's Informer video. Let's keep some dignity.

But, what I can confirm is that if you really want to have a good time, just read the comments YouTube users post with these videos. The fact that people are still commenting on, say, a CMB video EVERY DAY is startling enough (as of writing, the last comment on this video posted above was 4 minutes ago). The things they are saying are even more fun:

"They should be called SING me badd!" - oh, well played, windowHAT.

"The anthem of the high school rapist" - ehhh, Yabrau, log off, ok?

"Now I know exactly what to do to get my man" - fingers crossed, Fruitful Mind, fingers crossed.

Oh yeah, it goes on and on. Trust me, you're not getting any work done for days. Enjoy!